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"I just wish I had a magic wand!" We have all heard this phrase before. The truth is that life and parenting can be so unpredictable. Any parent of little kids can agree to this. Right when they learn one phase they are already moving on the next. It can super hard to keep up! I remember feeling like this with my kids growing up.
While we do not have a magic wand, we do have choices. We have choices in our responses to life's stressors. We can give into the pressure of impossible standards, or we can drop the trauma (bag of rocks) and say enough! As a Certified Parent Coach, I have the blessing of seeing parents that want to take that step! It is my honor to do this work, truly!
Something that I had to wrestle with, is that I cannot make change happen, that has to be a decision that is made by my clients. I have skills, knowledge, and empathy but at the end of a phone call I am not in their homes. The work has to carry on without me. I believe in every parent I have worked with and will have the privilege to in the future.
The truth is, I cannot solve every parenting challenge. What I can do, is help you the parent, find out what is happening for you when your children's behavior is triggering. I can help dissect the root causes of your thoughts, beliefs, and reactions. I offer a non-judgmental coach that sees challenges as opportunities for change!
I have seen the fruit of my labor in my home. My children and I have a close, and affectionate relationship that is full of forgiving and repair. I still get triggered by my children some days. My explosive reactions have decreased significantly, and my fuse has gotten much longer over the years. Breathing comes much easier to me now. It is my first step to regulate myself. I can feel breath fill my lungs and then I feel a peace wash over me.
I am thinking of the family with a screaming child that does not have an end to the noise. All you want is for them to tell you what they want and need. But after an hour of the screaming, it becomes so difficult for you not to react. I understand completely, I was the parent that was really triggered by my son's crying. Just this week, I got triggered by my younger son, because he wouldn't stop making disruptive noises while I was trying to talk to my oldest.
I raised my voice, took him out of the room, and told him I needed time away. Did it work? No, it did not! What I knew to do next was throw on some worship music and play the songs that help me during challenging seasons. I took some breaths and remembered his development as a 5-year-old. Then I made myself dinner. And I felt peace and not shame wash over me! Before I would have felt guilty for hours later, as I am sure some of you may be feeling as you read this.
Though I do not have a magic wand, I do have experience in triggering moments. I have the ears, and heart to listen to your journey. I have the wisdom from the Holy Spirit that leads me through my sessions on where to go next. I have a determination to give your family my all! When I speak with parents I empathize and encourage. That is what any parent really needs. Someone to call, someone who understands, someone who can let them be real.
Parenting is a challenging journey. It was never meant to be done alone. If I were to sit with you, I would let you speak and share your burdens. I would treat you the way you want to be treated. Now here is the sweet part of this work. Our kids watch us and practice it. I was stressed out over my son's fevers, (fluctuating daily not Covid). He came over and sighed, gave me a hug, and said "it will be ok mama you're tough, we got this!"
I hope that brought a smile to you as I type this!
Your decisions now, influence how our children can show up for themselves, others, and even us!! There are a lot of factors and scientific research for how a child has secure attachment, but it really does start in the home. I am changing legacies and I love it! I imagine the lives these children will lead as their parents learn empowered parenting and it brings a smile to my face every time!
I would love to hear about your parenting journey! No pressure at all! No sales pitch, just a genuine person to listen and talk to you! It would be my honor! You have the most important job in the world, and it can be very lonely, frustrating, and all the feels. I get it, I really do.
Many blessings to you and your families from one parent to another.
Tina Putney - Certified Parent Coach
Putneytlighthouse@gmail.com
763-219-9462.